Q:In response to your "You know I'm an atheist, right?" How long have you felt that you were an atheist, and how hard was it to keep from your loved ones (for whatever reason)? I'm in the same boat, which most of my friends and my boyfriend knows, but my grandparents who raised me have no idea, and my grandmother is staunchly religious.

brightsouls

I typed out my “deconversion story” a few months ago (you can read it here if you’re interested). 

The final step from pantheism to atheism took place around 8 years ago, right after my son was born.  I kept my disbelief hidden from almost everyone until about a year and a half ago.  And it was this awesome tumblr community of atheists that inspired me to start talking about it.  Realizing I wasn’t alone and that thousands of other people were having the exact same thoughts, issues, problems, fears.

I never intended to come out to my family.  Never.  I live in a different state than they do, so it wasn’t really hard to keep it a secret.  But over Thanksgiving when we were visiting, my father asked me directly “Do you believe in God” and I didn’t feel like I could lie to him.  (I wrote about coming out to my family here and here and here and also kinda here).

I feel a huge sense of relief at finally being “out,” but I’m still not sure if it was worth the cost.  Perhaps I’ll have an answer a year from now? 

Funny that it’s the “evil atheists” that ponder whether or not to be open about ourselves because we’re worried about hurting our loved ones, isn’t it?  ~JJ