Shoes

Proof of a) my son being the sweetest kid ever or b) me being a terrible mom:

My 8-year-old:  Mom?  My feet kinda hurt.

Me:  Really?  Where do they hurt?

My son: All over.  But especially my toes.

Me:  Did you stub your toe?  Or maybe your shoes are getting tight?

My son:  I think it’s my shoes.  They don’t hurt as much when I take them off.

Me:  Well, let’s try them on and see where your toes are at.

*Tries shoes on, discover toes have to be curled up in order to fit inside them since shoes are at least two sizes too small.*

Me:  HONEY!  Why didn’t you tell me your shoes didn’t fit!

My son:  Because I know you don’t have any money.

Me:  Sweetheart, I don’t have any money to buy more toys or things we don’t need.  I can buy you shoes!

My son:  Oh.

Me:  You can’t wear these anymore.  Try mine on and see if they fit for this afternoon, then we can go into town and get you new ones tomorrow.

*Tries shoes on, discover his feet are the exact same size as mine.*

My son:  They fit!  Now you don’t have to buy me new shoes!

~JJ

**Edited to add:  I will be buying him his own shoes - no worries.  :-)

Mental Illness (kid’s version)

I rarely talk about this topic on the blog, but my son and I discussed it this morning so it’s probably a good time to mention it again.

First, a bit of background: I have a family history of mental illness and have struggled with depression off and on for much of my life.  Severe depression runs in both sides of my family, leading to the suicide of several members, drug and alcohol addictions, hallucinations, disappearances and hospitalizations. 

I didn’t personally have to deal with any of the aforementioned issues, but that’s only because of my cousin reached out to me when I needed it most and I sought help with her encouragement.  But I often think how my life might have been different if I was given the help I needed when my symptoms first started around junior high.

Given my history and my family’s history, I am a HUGE proponent of education and awareness of all types of mental illness.  And I believe you can and should start talking about mental illness with your kids when they are young - so they can seek help if they need it and be alert if they see it in their friends.  No one should have to suffer in silence.

Me:  Do you know what a mental illness is?

My 8-year-old son:  Umm…no.

Me:  Do you know what an illness is?

My son:  Duh.  Getting sick.  Like the flu or a cold or a rash.

Me:  Right.  So you know your body can get sick - you can get a stuffy nose or a fever or a rash.  But your brain can get sick as well.  And when your brain is sick, it’s called a mental illness.

My son:  Okay…

Me:  You have chemicals in your brain - good chemicals that can make you feel happy, give you a burst of energy to run really fast, calm you down when you’re upset, or make you fall in love.  In a healthy brain, those chemicals are balanced - you get happy and excited, but you don’t stay that way for weeks with no reason.  You get sad when something bad happens, but then you get happy again.  You with me so far?

My son:  Yup.

Me:  If your brain stops producing enough of one of the chemicals, or produces too much of another one, you can get sick - you can get a mental illness.  If you have depression, for example, your brain doesn’t make enough of the chemicals that make you happy.  So you’re sad.  All the time.  Even if there are fun things going on all around you, like you’re getting presents and you get to have friends over, you just don’t have enough of the right chemicals in your brain to feel happy.  You might cry.  You might just want to stay in bed and sleep.  You won’t want to do things you used to think were fun because you just can’t get happy.  It’s impossible, because you don’t have enough of the chemicals.

My son:  So how do you fix the chemicals?

Me:  That’s a great question.  Everyone is a little bit different, but there are almost always things you can do to help balance out those chemicals.  It’s just like when your body is sick… you can help your brain by eating healthier foods, exercising, even just going outside more.

My son:  Is that why you make me go outside every day?

Me:  Yes, partly!  Let’s go back to depression.  Let’s pretend your brain doesn’t have enough of the chemicals that make you happy.  You tried all the things we just talked about, but you still feel sad all the time.  What do we do?

My son:  …..?

Me:  What do we do if our body is sick and not getting better?

My son:  Oh!  Go to the doctor!

Me:  Right.  If we don’t get better on our own, sometimes we need to go to a doctor to get a medicine that will help us get better.  And there are medicines that can help balance out those chemicals in our brains.

My son:  Cool!

Me:  It is!  So I’m telling you all this right now for two reasons: 1)  I want you to know what a mental illness is, of course, and 2) I want you to know that there are medicines for them.  Because a lot of kids don’t know anything about the chemicals in their brain… so if they get sick, all they know is that they feel horribly sad all the time and they will do anything to feel better.  So maybe they’ll try drugs or alcohol to see if that helps.

My son:  Like [name withheld]?

Me:  Exactly.  And you know, drugs and alcohol DO change the chemicals in your brain.  So that kid might actually feel better for awhile.  But then the effect will wear off and he will feel terrible again.  So then he’ll try drugs again and again hoping he’ll feel better.

My son:  And get addicted. 

Me:  Right.  And maybe get addicted.  AND still have the mental illness, so now he has two problems that need to be fixed.  But if he had known about the brain chemicals, he could have gone to the doctor and gotten help right away and started feeling better.

My son:  Will I get a mental illness?

Me:  I hope you never get any type of illness!  But you could have a mental illness someday, yes.  Or one of your friends.  Or one of your friend’s parents.  I have the one called depression, which is why I take medicine every morning.  Some people have one for a while and then get better again.  Some people have them their entire lives and have to take medicine all the time.

My son:  Okay.  Mom?

Me:  Yeah?

My son:  I love you.

Me:  I love you too!  That was kinda a weird transition though…?

My son:  I’m just glad you tell me stuff like this. 

Me:  Oh!  Anytime, kiddo.  ~JJ

Zombies

My children built elaborate towns with blocks this morning - creating bridges and buildings that were then inhabited by super hero action figures and fairy dolls.  Then The Zombies came and destroyed it all.

My son:  Mom!  Dad!  The zombies crushed our town!

My daughter:  Yeah!  It’s all wrecked up!

My husband:  Zombies?!  They’re HERE??!  JJ - we need to go get our supplies.  It’s the moment we’ve been waiting for!

My son:  Huh? 

Me:  We’ve been waiting for years for the zombie apocalypse.  Why do you think we’ve been feeding you so much?  Daddy and I will need something to eat when the zombies come.

My son (rolling his eyes):  You guys are so weird.

My husband:  I guess he doesn’t think we’re as funny as we think we are.

Me:  Isn’t that the first sign of a zombie transformation?

What makes you beautiful

Scene:  Chatting with my kids in the car when One Direction’s What Makes You Beautiful comes on the radio.

Me:  Ugh.  I hate this song.

My 8-year-old son:  WHY?!  I like this song!

Me:  I just don’t like the lyrics.  They make me grumpy.

My son (after listening intently for awhile):  OhhhHHhhh.  I know why.  I don’t like this song either.

Me:  Sweetie, it’s fine if you like it.  You don’t have to dislike something just because I do.

My son:  No.  I don’t like it.  The guy says “You don’t know you’re beautiful” and then “That’s what makes you beautiful,” which is… like… well, you know when my sister antagonizes me?

Me:  Yes…

My son:  I just get a little mad when she does that.  But when I antagonize HER, she sometimes gets really upset.  Because I’m older and antagonizing someone that doesn’t have as much power is kinda like bullying, right?

Me:  It can be, yes.

My son:  Well, it’s the same thing.  The guy singing has the power.

Me:  I think I get what you’re saying.  But can you tell me more?

My son:  The guy singing has the power, so it’s like bullying.  He’s saying THAT’S what makes you beautiful.  But it’s not his decision.  He has the power, but he SHOULDN’T.  Like, he shouldn’t get to decide if she’s beautiful or not.  And especially saying she’s just beautiful because she doesn’t know it?  That’s stupid.  And mean.  Besides, why does it even matter if HE thinks she’s beautiful?  ‘Cause everyone is beautiful in different ways.  So the whole song is kinda dumb.

Me:  Do you realize that you just constructed a feminist critique of popular media?

My son:  Huh?

Me:  I just meant you’re awesome.  That’s almost exactly why I dislike this song and it’s pretty cool you figured it out on your own.

My son:  Oh.  Yeah.  Can you turn up the radio again?  ~JJ

Self-esteem?

Me (to my 3-year-old daughter as I hugged her before nap time):   Did you know I think you’re the sweetest and bravest and smartest and cutest little girl in the whole wide world?

My daughter:  And marvelous and charming?

Me:  Definitely marvelous and charming.  And funny, too!

My daughter:  And cuddly?

Me:  Super cuddly.

My daughter:  Are you going to watch me sleep because I am so adorable?

———————————-

Clearly I’ve been generous with the compliments!  lol

How do we make it right?

“Why do the white people always RUIN everything?!”  My 8-year-old’s jaw clenched in anger, but it was clear he was fighting off tears.

We were watching a documentary on East Africa’s Great Rift Valley and learning about the continuous movement of the tectonic plates, creation of the mountains and lakes, the salt mining, and eventually the evolution of humans.  Humans that learned to hunt and cook and socialize and travel.  And then the story moved to more current history - Europeans flooding in to take everything valuable from this diverse area, bringing disease that killed off entire communities and enslaving thousands of others.

“Why do the white people always RUIN everything?!”

When I was a child, I was taught a white-washed version of history.  Christopher Columbus was a great man (and totally spoke English, duh).  European explorers brought wonderful advancements to “poor, uneducated” people all over the world as we “discovered” them and made them “civilized.”  There was the little issue of having an economic system partially built on enslaving people, but that was glossed over quickly and “the slaves were freed!” was the main message.  Everyone give yourself a pat on the back - we’re the White Saviors.

It was a shock to learn the truth.  And, to this day, I am furious that we were taught half-truths and blatant lies and that a large portion of our country still believes these lies.

“Why do the white people always RUIN everything?!”

I truly believe that if you want things to be better in the future, you have to understand how they were in the past.  So my children learn the truth.  They learn what people have done - both the positive and the negative.  They learn why some people from different countries hate each other, hate our country, and why you can’t hate them back.   And yeah… they learn that a lot of the time, in our history as humans, the white people have ruined everything.

“Why do the white people always RUIN everything?!”

“Oh sweetie… I don’t have a good answer for that.  But I do know the fact that you recognize that what those people did was horrible means you are aware of things that a lot of adults don’t even know.  And you can use that awareness to help other people understand that what has been done in the past is still affecting all of us now and will affect all of us in the future if we don’t try to make it right.”

“How do we make it right?”

“That’s the same question I ask myself almost every single day.  Most of the problems in the world are way too big for you and I to be able to fix.  So, since we aren’t rich and powerful, we can work on the little things… like when we donate food or clothes to help people that don’t have enough, when we stand with someone being bullied and stop it from happening, when we speak up if we hear racism or sexism (that’s when people think women aren’t as good as men) or homophobia.  And we can help more people understand what’s been done and that we all need to try to make it right.  You and I can’t fix the big problems on our own, but we can help individual people.  And that DOES make a difference.  It helps.”

“I can do that.”

“You sure can.”

~JJ

The Beast

*This will be a Proud Mama post*

Scene:  Driving home from my son’s first day at a Beauty and the Beast theater workshop.

My son:  Mom!  GUESS WHO WAS CAST AS THE BEAST!

Me:  Tell me!

My son:  IT WAS MEEEEE!!!

Me:  YAY!  I’m so happy for you!  Are you excited?

My son:  YES!  But… there was another guy who was really sad.  He wanted to be Beast.  But he got cast as Gaston.

Me:  Oh bummer.  Gaston is a good part too though…  Do you think he’ll be happy with it?

My son:  I KNOW he will be.  Because I sat beside him and told him all the things he gets to do that Beast doesn’t get to do.  And I told him that when we duel at the end, HE WINS.  ‘cause it says in the script “Beast falls to the ground.”  Plus, he doesn’t have to get hugged at the end.  So now he’s happy he gets to be Gaston.

Me:  You are the sweetest Beast in the world, you know that?

My son (shrugging): I just don’t like to see people sad!

What’s in a name?

My 2-year-old daughter received a stuffed white unicorn as a present from Grandma.

It goes everywhere with us - the bank, the grocery store, the doctor’s office, school.  I wait, gleefully, for people to ask her “What’s your pretty unicorn’s name?”

“Horny!”

E-I-E-I-O

My not-quite-three-year-old daughter just requested Old MacDonald for her bedtime song, but she wanted his farm to be full of super heroes.

Ooo-kay.

Old MacDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o.

And on that farm he had some super heroes, e-i-e-i-o.

With a Spider-Man here and an Iron Man there.

Here a She-Ra, there a Hulk, everywhere a Wonder Woman

Old MacDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o.

And on that farm he had some more super heroes, e-i-e-i-o.

With a Wolverine here and a Super Girl there,

Here a Storm, there a Spider Girl, everywhere a Captain America

Old MacDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o.


*giving myself a “you tried” sticker*

On Knowing

My son had to spend Easter weekend with the in-laws.  Yup, THOSE in-laws.  The ones that support the Creation Museum and Answers in Genesis and Focus on the Family (ugh, I gagged a little just typing that).  On Monday evening, while we were reading a story that referenced a Mayan creation myth, my son said hesitantly, “Well, we can’t really KNOW there isn’t a god…right?” 

I smiled and said, “That’s true!  There are a gazillion things we don’t know.  Could there be some type of deity out there moving things around?  Sure!” I shrugged my shoulders.  “But what we DO KNOW is that everything in our universe can happen WITHOUT a deity.  Without any type of god.  The stories written about gods were used to explain something people didn’t understand yet.”

My son nodded slowly, “Like lightening.  People made up stories about Zeus creating lightening because they didn’t know what lightening was or where it came from.”

“Right, exactly like that.  We KNOW that a god named Zeus, that is married to another god named Hera, that likes to chase after human women and create half-god babies, and that uses lightening as a weapon, does not exist.  COULD there be some type of deity that shoots out lightening?  I suppose so.  But does there NEED to be a god for there to be lightening?”

“No,” he shook his head emphatically.

“Correct.  No.  And another thing we know is that every single book or story of myths is full of things that we KNOW did not happen, could not happen or are simply wrong.  We KNOW that the entire world was not flooded.  We KNOW that humans evolved and were not formed whole from dirt like it says in the Bible or corn like the story we just read.  We KNOW many of the locations and events described in the Bible simply were not there or did not happen the way the authors described them.  You still with me?”

“Yeah.  We KNOW rainbows are caused by the sun reflecting on raindrops.”

I smiled and nodded, “Exactly.  So… because we KNOW these things, does that mean there is no god?”

My son thought for a moment, “…um…well…no?”

I held up my hand for a high five, “That was kinda a trick question and you got it right.  We KNOW that there is certainly not a god as it is described in the Bible or in Greek myths or in Mayan myths.  Those were just stories told and written by people trying to figure out their world.  We KNOW we don’t need a god for us to exist.  We KNOW there is no evidence for a god.  But, like you said, that doesn’t necessarily mean there isn’t one… or 10… or billions.”

“Oh!  Like Superman!  Or Thor!” he grabbed a blanket off the couch and pulled it over his little shoulders like a cape.  “They were just from different planets!  They had superpowers on Earth, but were mostly normal on their planets.  So humans thought they were like gods, but they were just a different species!”

“Ooo!  I like that!  … interesting.  What makes something into a god?  What is the definition of god?”

“Umm…Mom?  Can we talk about this later?  I KNOW I want to play Super Heroes now.”

“Ha!  Sure,” I put my hands on my hips and stood tall.  “Can I be Wonder Woman?”

“Yeah!!  Let’s spar!  I’ll go get my hammer!”

~JJ

Glorious

A tiny bit of background info: Due to some unavoidable family issues, my 8-year-old son ended up spending this past weekend with my in-laws who, of course, took him to the Easter service at church on Sunday. 

Me:  So, how was the church?

My son:  I liked it!  They sang funny songs, we got to stand up and sit down a bunch, they gave me cookies and juice, and the guy at the front told a cool story about a fish.

Me:  What kind of funny songs?

My son:  Well, not funny REALLY, but funny because they believe it.  Like… “come into my heart oh god.”  They were SERIOUS.  They wanted a god to come into their heart!  And there was one that went “my god is your god is our god is my god” or something.  That one made me laugh because it just sounded funny.

Me:  And what was the fish story?

My son:  Glory?  The guy said to think about things that bring glory?  What’s that mean again?

Me:  He probably meant things that make you very, very happy.

My son:  Yeah.. that makes sense.  He showed a picture of a mountain and said we get glory from seeing the mountains that were made by god.  Even though mountains are made from volcanoes or tectonic plates…maybe he didn’t know that?

Me:  Maybe he didn’t.

My son:  And then he showed a picture of himself holding a HUGE fish and said it was one of the most gloryests moments - is that the word?

Me:  Probably most gloriOUS.

My son:  Most glorious moments of his life.  And he said that god gave him glory by helping him catch the fish!  Like he believes in a fish god or a sea god!  Poseidon, maybe!

Me:  Ha!  Can you image like… Thor… going “here fishy fishy fishy…go bite this guy’s hook!”

My son:  No way!  I think Thor would have better things to do. 

Me:  I think you’re right. ~JJ

Look!

The past week has been…well…awful, and the next week is unlikely to be much better.  So I apologize for my lack of posts and not replying to messages - I’ll get back on track in a few weeks.

In the meantime, please enjoy my son’s thoughts on life:

My 8-year-old son (as we walk across a street towards the library):  Mom?

Me:  What?

My son: Don’t you think our world is AWESOME?

Me:  What makes you think so?

My son:  There are SO many things to LOOK AT!  Just look around!  The trees!  The grass!  There will be flowers soon!  And BIRDS!  And cool buildings with clocks on them!  Look!

Me:  You are absolutely right.  There are wonderful things all around us.  I should look closer more often.

My son:  I love this world.  ~JJ

Angry Music

When my 8-year-old is upset about something he’ll often go up to his room,  shut the door, and blast music on his stereo.

This always makes me laugh because his music collection consists of two Rachmaninoff piano concertos, a selection of Tchaikovsky pieces,  Elvis (The Greatest Hits), Bach, Beethoven, Star Wars soundtrack music and a bizarre instrumental CD of Billy Joel tunes.

I don’t remember what his sister did to anger him, but I do remember Tchaikovsky’s Piano Concerto No. 1 in B-flat minor playing for a good chunk of the morning.